What I don’t understand is why you are complaining about me being distant? Are you know the one who “kicked” me out of the bed room months ago because you couldn’t sleep? Are you know the one who refuses to talk about my issues in our relationship, or to accept your own faults in the relationship? What desire do I or should I have to talk to you when you won’t talk about what’s wrong with me, or even do anything about it?
I wake up in the morning to your complaining. I come home to your complaining. I have never know a person to complain so much when they have so much to be thankful for. You are a spoiled, selfish, and ungrateful woman… well at least you are within our home. I understand that this latest round of unemployment has done a number on you, but all of this existed before then, so that is not an excuse. You ask me why I’m distant and why I don’t talk, yet I sat and talked to you about the state of our home. I talked to you about feeling like I’m doing it all by myself. I talked to you and told you that I needed help. I didn’t belittle you, call you names, or insult you. I didn’t say that you can at least keep the house clean since you are home all day. I didn’t say to you that “I work 3 jobs and still clean up what’s your excuse?” I asked you to help me.
Two weeks later, you have washed 2 loads of clothes and cooked one meal. That’s no progress, that’s not helping me. I stand behind you in pursuing your dream, but you push us and our home to the side every single day, then make excuses why nothing has changed. And you understand why I’m distant.
Why is it that you only hear what I say when I’m pissed off? You hear it when I’m nasty or acting like a jerk, but when I come to you civilly you ignore me? I don’t understand at all? I also don’t understand how you can talk about having a family when you haven’t touch me in 2yrs, nor have you expressed any desire for that to change? You wonder why I’m distant? You wonder why I don’t want to talk? Yet you don’t looks and what you and your choices have caused.
Don’t get mad at me because you made it this way. I constantly give you to tools to change it, but you haven’t and won’t take advantage of them. I love you, but your time is ticking away.
MBM
I have been in this exact place.
Sending you well wishes.
I was in that same predictament with my ex-wife hence the word ex, there is only so much one person can take before they call it quits. go luck and God bless, it only took me 4 months to realize my ex-wife was holding our progress back and I had to seperate from her, you only live once and don’t let misery comfort you for any part of your days. Derrick http://www.theblackcouple.com
This piece is so honest and important, because it happens in many homes no doubt. Gender roles and the confusion surrounding them are to blame hugely.
what stands out to me is:
‘You are a spoiled, selfish, and ungrateful woman… well, at least you are in our home’
sometimes there is a combined energy that suffocates both partners in the relationship making you forget that the person you’re with is actually a nice person.
I don’t know if this is a personal piece, but the advice I’d give is to anyone in this situation is to break up or set up a plan to rediscover the two people outside of that home. Anything in between will be a spiral of destruction.